No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
