You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
