So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
