What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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