You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
