Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
