This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
