i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
