i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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