well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
