we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
