Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
