she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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