I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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