Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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