so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
