Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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