I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
