I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
