Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
