I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
