apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
