Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
