i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
