I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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