all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
