In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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