Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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