I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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