Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
