Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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