and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
