At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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