he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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