U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
