who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
