i love accidental penises.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
