I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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