Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
