She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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