so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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