it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
