he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
