"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
