According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
