My brain says no but my pants say off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
