I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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