The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
