Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Operation Purity has been aborted
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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