Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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