Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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