Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
