there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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