Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
