Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
