I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
