Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
