Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
