Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
