Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
