I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
