you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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