just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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