32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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