Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
