So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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