Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
