I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
